Who is Karen?

One of my small battles the past several weeks has been to retain my identity—that is, the name by which I am known to my family and friends (and professionally, for that matter). It is a real fight!

Some of you may not even know that my legal name is Karen. But the hospital and all my doctors’ offices do. That’s because of the tie that my retired state employee insurance has to my employment records, which was in turn tied to social security. And social security, along with your passport and driver’s license, are all places where you can’t use anything other than your legal name.

I have been known as “Kae” since childhood. My mother bequeathed me this combination of legal (Karen) and nickname (Kae) names, after a Swedish girlfriend of hers who apparently had the same set. As you can imagine, “Kae” is the name I use and recognize. All my bank accounts, my Schwab account, and even my doctorate, are in that name. My entire 38 year professional identity is in that name. Karen was the name that was used by schools and teachers who didn’t know me, as well as by my mother when she was angry with me. You know the routine: “Karen Edmiston, you get in here right now!” Thus “Karen” denotes either parental anger, or someone who doesn’t know me.

There was a time when I had succeeded in getting my health coop to record me as Kae. But something happened when I retired and they reverted to Karen. After a couple of dead end attempts to get it changed, I gave up. But now, as I go through this emotionally wearing time, it is important to me to be myself, not a stranger.

I don’t recognize myself when I’m sitting in the waiting room and someone asks for “Karen.” So I am waging a war to try to reclaim myself. Each doctor’s office I go to, I ask to retitle my chart as “Kae.” Since they already have my name printed at the top as Karen, they simply add “Kae” behind it. And then proceed to call me Karen. Each time they use Karen, I correct them. Dogs in training. I don’t know how long it will take, but I’m not giving up.

My one minor triumph comes each time they ask me to sign a document. That’s pretty frequently—at least once per visit. I consistently sign it with the signature I always use (except on my tax return)—Kae R. Hutchison. Not once have they even looked at my signature. But I enjoy my little victory. If it ruffles their feathers sometime down the line, that’s too damn bad. I want to be me.