The Pad Dilemma!

This one’s for the women. Men, you might be able to empathize if you imagine buying little packets of razor blades, with the blades wrapped so that you can't see them and won't know whether they fit until you unwrap them (and thus can't return them).

Sooo, when I began having some bleeding and I decided I needed something to protect my underpants and clothing from embarrassing overflows, I found myself standing in the “feminine care” section of the store, perusing my options. After 14 years of not using feminine care products I was overwhelmed by my choices. Actually, it’s been way more than 14 years, since what I was examining was pads, and what I had always used was tampons. But my body doesn’t seem to want to use tampons right now, so I’m back to the external solution: pads.

To begin with, when my bleeding began, I had been a good scout and was prepared. I just happened to have some old pads (and a small load of tampons of various sizes) that I simply couldn’t bring myself to discard when I finished menopause, so I kept them around for the odd friend who might have an emergency. At least so I thought. So there was my supply, sitting at the ready, when I turned out to be the “odd friend.” I had a great supply of tampons of every conceivable size, but for some reason the only pads I had were nice and thick. Okay for an emergency, but I soon realized that I didn’t need anything that substantial and would definitely prefer something a little more svelte, so I would feel less like I was carrying an elephant around in my underpants. So off I went to the store to survey my options.

Oh my gosh, the options! First pick a brand—the store brand, the big traditional brands like Kotex, or one of the newcomers that I didn’t know. After a couple of purchases, which I took home and tried, I settled on one particular brand. But the experiment continued, because what I first bought was still much thicker than I wanted. The next purchase turned out to be too thin. The basic problem was that the individual pads were wrapped discretely in thin yellow plastic (rendering them invisible), and then those were bundled inside a second plastic wrap, which showed you small flashes of the yellow wrappings. No way to discern what was actually inside. So then I went into deep study mode. I picked up several different packages, reading them VERY carefully, and slowly discerned the code.

My chosen “brand” is Always. So the first choice is whether you want the plain Always or Always Fresh. I haven’t yet figured out the difference. Next, do you want something that will deal with Light, Moderate, Heavy, Overnight, or Maximum flow. The choice is pretty easy, but this grading is not so easy to find on the package—you have to look on the side of the package for the clever display where the level of the product you’ve picked up is highlighted. Next, do you want the “Maxi,” “Ultrathin,” or “Ultrathin with Flexiwings.” I’m serious. These categories seem to have to do with design of the shape of the pad, though I haven’t quite sussed out the difference between Maxi and Ultrathin. But the Flexiwings are cute little pieces of plastic that stick out of the sides of the pad and can be bent around to the outside surface of your underpants to protect them. The picture on the front of the package gives you some guidance here. Finally, do you want Super Long, Long, Regular or Slender/petite. This final category gives you a feel for the overall LENGTH of the pad, front to back. Look for this choice in a series of pictures on the front of the package, where the “regular” looks so short that it wouldn’t cover anything compared to the two other sizes. However, I’ve been getting the “regular” size and can tell you that they actually cover the bottom of my underpants quite generously from front to back. I can’t even imagine the coverage one would achieve with the SuperLong, but it must be bellybutton to midback!

After considerable experimentation, my chosen selection is the Always Ultrathin (without flexiwings), Moderate, Regular. I have to write it down so I can be sure I am getting the one I want. And it still takes me a good five minutes in the store to make sure that that is what I have picked up (just made a trip back to Safeway to return a package that I thought was the correct one, but turned out to have those cute little Flexiwings, which I didn’t want).

By the way, I extend my compliments to the Always producers. They give you the pads in a cleverly designed wrapping, with the pad neatly folded in thirds, secured by a small piece of tape. When you gently unfold your pad, and then pull off the external plastic wrapping, you are left with your pad and its adhesive backing ready to be neatly laid out in your panties, no fuss or muss. The pad includes a nice plastic surface on the bottom, so you can be assured that you will remain decorous while wearing it. AND, you can even use the pretty yellow wrapping to wrap around your discarded pad, making the whole process as discrete as can be mustered. However, do NOT make the mistake of allowing the unwrapped pad to flip on to a counter top. If that happens, the adhesive on the bottom wants to adhere to the counter just as strongly as it would your panties, so when you remove it, you are left with a few little rips in the plastic (of course, I learned this the hard way). Discard that pad, or take your chances if you like living dangerously!

Ladies, pad selection is a serious and complex business. Be sure to allow at least 15 minutes to read all the labels and ensure that you have selected exactly the right product for you. And enjoy those creative illustrations!